black cloud

its taken me all weekend to decide how i wanted to say things in this post.

we’ve been waiting for some news since fall. on friday we got the news.
due to budget problems in the school district ben has been told he wont be asked back for next year. this happened across the district and the newest hires were the first to go.
i am not worried money wise really, because he will get paid until about sept and be eligible for unemployment then. and he has a very long time to search for a job whether its in teaching or something else.
i’m just a bit disheartened. i still believe it was GOD’s plan for us to come here but i just wish for once things could stick to some sort of a plan. if you know my history you know that nothing ever happens as planned and i dont know why i should have expected it to.
i dont want to have to move again. and its not definite that we will have to but its a possibility. i dont want to uproot the kids again. and i just got to where i was feeling a bit successful with the shoppe and i like that and dont want it taken away. i know that sounds terribly selfish but its the truth. i finally felt like i was given the chance to use my talents and do what i wanted to do for a living other than doing what i have always had to do. see selfish again.
we always seem to land on our feet. i am not worried about that so much. its just too much change going on right now. moving back was a big adjustment for us all even though its something we’ve wanted for a long while. and i was just starting to settle myself and now i feel like i may have to start all over again. i feel like we are back in the military and have no choice about where we live or what we can plan for the future.
these past few weeks have been disheartening too with the things that have been happening with other members of my family. and last week i found out another aunt had a seizure and has broken her spine and an uncle has to have another stint put in. mom and i are wondering if we are bad luck or something.
can someone shooo away this black cloud over me. i’m just really looking for some kind of peace right now. i know things will work out, i just feel really dumped on right now. you guys may not want to stand too close something might fallout of the sky and hit you.

15 comments

  1. Liz says:

    Oh Jeanetta. I am so sorry for this bend in the road. You are not selfish… you would hardly be human if you didnt feel that way. I’ll be praying that God will give you peace and show you some stability soon.

  2. Boy do I understand! I look at it that you and I are the lucky ones. We’re not only looked at by God that we’re strong enough to handle all that falls out of the sky–for me it’s falling into deep pot holes–but we’re also strong enough to fall apart quietly while still holding all together. The lesson you will learn from this is like the lessons I learn, it’s going to make you stronger, it’s going to enable you to pull someone else up when they needed, and you’ll be twice blessed. I believe the worse the tragedy, the bigger the blessing. Was in a car wreck and got a spinal cord injury-bad- hubby is the EMT who rescued me–good. Three back surgeries, 12 breast lumps removed, and a double mastectomy scheduled on March 11. Stay in AR just long enough to be able to move and then we’re moving out of state and going back north where I’ll have two more surgeries scheduled–bad–but, I’ll be back home with my Mom–I can go on forever, but all that’s been bad, uprooting, and traumatic, has made me a better person. I can see from your post your tough times have done the same to you. You’re not selfish, hang onto your Etsy shop and us AREtsy’s, even out of state, they’re keeping me, they’ll keep you, too. And, I’m a good listener if you need me.

  3. Cecile says:

    I’m sorry to hear all of this. I do hope he is able to find a job here in Arkansas, and close enough to Conway so that you don’t have to move. Even though I don’t get to see you, I still feel better just knowing you are close. I completely understand about the floor dropping out from under you. Last summer was mine and Harvey’s turn for all of the bad luck. But we did make it through, and I am certain that you will make it through too. Call me if you need me.Love,Cecile

  4. Sarah says:

    I’m lifting up many prayers for you. It reminds me of when I was expecting Hannah, we had everything “figured out” and Herb lost his job. God was/ is faithful and He carried us through even when things seemed so bleak, and I know he’ll do the same for you guys. I read something today that your posting reminded me of. “We must learn to take God at His word and walk straight ahead in obedience, even when we can see no way to go forward. The reason we are so often sidetracked by difficulties is that we expect to see barriers removed before we ever try to pass through them.” (Streams in the Desert) Stand fast in the faith. I’m cheering you on!!!

  5. Stephanie says:

    Awe dang! ๐Ÿ™Im sorry to hear about that- as a matter of fact they did that here not too long ago (fiscal distress..)Ill be praying for you and your family. I hope you guys get to stay here in Arkanasas.

  6. tracy says:

    I’ve never been very good at advice; I’m usually the one who is on the receiving end. I do believe that everything happens for a reason, though, and I know you & Ben will wind up on the path that you are meant to be on. And I’m sure that path is in Arkansas, where you can stay close to your friends & family ๐Ÿ™‚

  7. Kimberly says:

    ugh… I knew that was going on in Conway (one of my roommates teaches in Mayflower), but I completely forgot that’s where Ben was! I’ll be praying for y’all. Matthew 6 is always my “Stop Worrying, I’ve Got This Thing Under Control” reminder, but then I think of Rich Mullins’ sarcasm as he sang, “so we can dress like flowers and eat like birds…”

  8. Kari & Kijsa says:

    We are sorry for your stress, and know that your path will be wonderful wherever it leads you and your family. We had a little something happen last night (and posted it today) that just jogged us into remembering what really matters- so here’s to your journey ahead…may it be blessed and fulfilling whether there or away!blessings, kari & kijsa

  9. Susan Tuttle says:

    I do believe that when things like this happen, new opportunities are just on the horizon.You have a wonderful blog – I love the banner.Stop by for a visit if you get a chance.Susan

  10. Missy says:

    I’m so sorry for you guys… it’s a really sad state this whole nation is in! Teachers are getting laid off everywhere, and don’t even get me started on what needs to be cut out of the budget! It really really pisses me off! I know you guys will be okay because you have to be… but dang ๐Ÿ™ On a lighter note, my boy jr. won the Bud Shoot out and Daytona 500 is in 3 more days! LOLOLOLOL! I’ve been dreaming about JR all week. It’s sick really.

  11. Missy says:

    I’m so sorry for you guys… it’s a really sad state this whole nation is in! Teachers are getting laid off everywhere, and don’t even get me started on what needs to be cut out of the budget! It really really pisses me off! I know you guys will be okay because you have to be… but dang ๐Ÿ™ On a lighter note, my boy jr. won the Bud Shoot out and Daytona 500 is in 3 more days! LOLOLOLOL! I’ve been dreaming about JR all week. It’s sick really.

  12. Liz says:

    My friend…As one who is STILL in the military (and will be until retirement in 12 years), I completely understand. We just found out (finally) that Tim’s estimated graduation date from flight school is May 21. The baby is due June 9. We still have no idea where we’re going next, though we’re praying for Texas. So if we get a wrench in the current “plan” and have to move to Seattle or Germany, or if I have the baby early and THEN we have to move with a toddler and a newborn, I will be joining you with the black cloud. It’s such a delicate plan where everything must fall into place perfectly, and even then, Tim may get deployed.So you and I, we just have to rest in God. There is no way we are in control, ever. I know you know that. I will pray that God will work it out so you can keep the new roots you’ve planted.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *